


All the Trees and the Fields Will Rejoice

by lucimarlena



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-27
Updated: 2012-03-27
Packaged: 2017-11-02 14:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucimarlena/pseuds/lucimarlena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I'm live this time next year, will things be any different? I wonder. Things haven't changed. Magic is still outlawed and so many secrets and lies still run rampant all throughout Camelot. - Reflection on how 'stuck' Merlin's life has become in Camelot</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Trees and the Fields Will Rejoice

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All of the characters, concepts, and anything affiliated with the Merlin franchise belong to the BBC.   
> The rest of the work belongs to me and should not be copied in any way, including translations, without my explicit consent.  
> AN: First time writing Merlin. I don’t think it’s that great but *shrugs* I thought I’d give it a try and try and get back into writing again. This has not been beta’ed so if there are any mistakes please let me know. 
> 
> Anyways, please review and thanks for reading.
> 
> Spoliers: Everthing that happened in the series. Takes place a while after S4 season finale.

If I’m live this time next year, will things be any different?

I wonder.

Things haven’t changed.

Arthur remains King, Gwen has returned as Queen, the Knights still train, and Morgana is on the run.

Magic is still outlawed and so many secrets still run rampant all throughout Camelot.

Nothing has changed.

We’ve just been sitting here.

Becoming stagnant.

Wasting away, away, away, away. 

Just wasting away…

Most days are the same.

Familiar.

Routine.

Monotonous.

Tedious.

Filled with longing for something new, for change, for the sun to emerge from the clouds. For the brightness to engulf this land and make her grow…

I feel like Kilgarrah. Sitting and watching. Always bound, unable to help, becoming impatient.

Becoming angry.

Always having to push back my impatience and hide myself in the darkness, the shadows; always hiding my potential.

My being.

My existence.

I’m so sick of hiding in the shadows. Always consumed in the dark and the cold, never being able to stand in the light. Always having to be patient and wait for the day that he will change things and I can be free…

So I’m stuck.

Never moving.

Becoming stagnant.

Waiting for change. Waiting for the day where I can finally step out into the sun and feel the warm acceptance on my skin...

It’s been so long.

This waiting.

Too long.

Some days I wonder if it’s all worth it.

Arthur.

Destiny.

Faith.

Waiting.

Would things ever be different? 

Will I ever get to show myself, my true self? 

Will I ever have one to love, one to keep? I have lost so many waiting.

So many have been sacrificed.

Will.

Freya.

My father.

Lancelot.

All for him. The man who can never be my friend, who holds so much power over my happiness; my acceptance.

I wonder if he would accept me for who I am.

I wonder if I will ever get the chance to tell him. Always waiting for the right time, the right place, the right mood.

Just waiting.

Wasting away.

Being dormant.

How long have I been waiting? 

How long have I been hiding?

It’s been so long.

Too long.

I just want to be free. To walk out into the sun and feel its warm embrace…

I can almost feel it, standing here. The wind whipping around me, the sun just beginning to emerge, the warmth almost tangible. 

Smiling, I look down at the land below me.

All these people, in the sun.

Happy.

Alive.

Free.

I can feel it.

Freedom.

Acceptance.

I’m so close now. Closer than I’ve ever been before.

I just have to reach out.

Just one more step out and I could finally touch the sun.

Be myself.

Be free.

Finally feel the warmth of…

Yes. 

I shall.

I take a deep breath and smile, taking the final step into the sun. 

No more waiting.

Just the kiss of the sun and the wind in my ears…

Just warm light as everything turns white…

I am no longer wasting away. I can feel the earth’s acceptance and the sun’s kiss and I am finally happy. 

I am finally free.

Finally warm.


End file.
